“You cannot build character and courage by taking away man’s initiative and independence.”

–Abraham Lincoln

The foremost subject on which today’s babies lack direction is the ability to direct themselves. Too long have we coddled, pampered, and babied our nations babies. After all, if you give a baby a bottle, the baby will drink for a day, but if you teach the baby how to open up a miniature refrigerator, that very same baby will also drink for a day but also allow you to watch re-runs of Seinfeld in peace.

I present to you, the baby crib refrigerator! (US Patent Application No. 11/248,929)

From the Abstract

Before the parent goes to sleep for the night, they can prepare a snack, and store it overnight in the snack box. When the infant wakes up in the morning, they can retrieve the snack by themselves, after a few days’ training, without crying. This will permit the parent to sleep longer, because they will not have to wake up prematurely for delivering the morning snack, and then wait until it is consumed.

Status of this patent

Still pending, it has been rejected multiple times and is now awaiting appeal. The patent examiner cited the following two patents as prior art: US Patent Application No. 10/044,362—Juvenile Stroller with Cooler and US Patent No. 4,545,211—Cold Box for Motor Vehicles

Verdict

Spare the fridge, spoil the child?